Toddler Smock

I used my own smock from when I was very small to make a pattern for this awesome smock for Hannah!

The fabric is similar to PUL (polyurethane laminate) but is a little heavier, though not as heavy as oil cloth. I got it at Joann's for about $10/yard, but it only took about 1/4 yard to make this small one. My next project will be to enlarge the pattern to make a smock for Emmaly.

It's hard to get Hannah to hold still long enough to get a good picture! This was the best of about a dozen I took.

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Being Thankful

I have a lot to be thankful for. Especially recently I have successfully gone off the antidepressant I was on for about 3 years, and consequently, I have become more myself. I have accomplished a great many sewing and crafting projects, I have reclaimed my kitchen and laundry areas from the disasterous state they were in, and we finally got both girls to sleep in the same room again last night! Aside from those recent accomplishments, here are the highlights of things I am most thankful for:

I am thankful for the good man that married me and continues to love me despite all the "insanity".

I am thankful for my beautiful daughters who are a constant source of amazement, learning, frustration and growth for me.

I am thankful for good parents and family members in both our Wood/Beachler and Shields/Petersen families that love us unconditionally and support us in many ways.

I am thankful for good friends who have helped me and my family to weather the storms of life by loving us though unconnected by familial ties.

I am thankful for a loving Heavenly Father, and for His beautiful plan that provided a Savior, Jesus Christ, so that I can repent and be forgiven of my sins.

I am thankful for His restored Gospel, for the knowledge I have of it and the ability to continue to learn about it!

So many things come and go in life, but these things are eternal because these are things I carry with me in my heart. To everyone who reads this, have a Happy Thanksgiving, and make your own list to help you remember. :o) <3

Cozy fleece slippers for the winter!

I made these slippers for Hannah and a larger pair for Emmaly from a pattern I got from http://www.prudentbaby.com/. The embroidery pattern is from http://www.emblibrary.com/. I had to use my brain a bit to size up the pattern, and then I had to make a few adjustments, but they turned out pretty good, the girls love them and they keep their little tootsies warm! So much fun to create something new...

Here are Emmaly's. I forgot to reverse the pattern on the second slipper. :oP

Ella's Blanket

Another project completed!

Seven embroidered panels, 35 buttons and a couple months after starting, baby Ella's blanket is finally done! I'm particularly fond of this one. It is the first "inside out" quilt face I've done. I used some microfleece panels I got from my sister, and added the cute polka dot fleece for Ella's mommy, Becky, who likes dots. It's going to be hard to let go of this one since it's been on my list, on my table, and on my mind for so long! But, I know that it's going to a "crafty" family who will love it for what it is: imperfect, but made with love!

Explosions and Implosions

So, I had what Chris describes as an implosion last week. I got so sick of all the useless junk in the way, and was feeling overloaded with responsibility, so I got out the giant Costco box of giant black trash bags and started filling them up with my clothes that I never wear, scarves, my belly dancing stuff (haven't had classes in almost 2 months due to everyone being at belly dance camp, and then our leader being out for back surgery), jewelry, and all the other stuff of mine that's been laying around in the way for months and I don't use it any more. Incidentally, it's all still in trash bags, including my jewelry. I am just overwhelmed by all the stuff we have accumulated, and feeling pressured to try to sell things we don't use/need any more because we need money, but people aren't buying stuff much these days, and I just want the JUNK GONE, and my life simplified! I'd like to load it all up in the truck and take it down to Goodwill and be done with it. I've sorted through a lot of this stuff at least 3 times now, and I'm sick of it! Why do I feel the need to hold on to stuff that just weighs me down? I need some validation that it's ok to just give it away to someone who might need it more than I obviously don't need it! I feel an explosion coming on.

Halloween

This year, I decided we would have a family theme to our costumes.

Chris pouted a bit, but in the end he was a good sport as always.

Here we are! The crayon box, the pretty crayons, and the art work!

Crock Pot Chicken and Purple Potatoes

I got a bag of baby potatoes at Costco last week with Red, Gold, and purple potatoes. YES! Purple potatoes! They look almost black on the outside, but they are a shockingly deep purple on the inside.

Anyway, I tossed a chicken in the crock pot with some spices, carrots from Chris's parent's garden, and these neato potatoes.

Here are the results before and after 2 hours on high and 6 hours on low heat. And how they looked cut up on a plate.

Belly Dancing!

Belly dancing is becoming a larger part of my life. Here are a couple pictures of outfits I've put together.

I made the red top from a shirt I got at Goodwill and altered to fit me. I made the blue hip scarf and got the Coin belt from a vendor at the County Fair this year. It's hard to tell, but I'm wearing panel pants that flutter out when I turn, and the red top has shiny red dots on it.

The blue and silver one is Chris' favorite, and the black and gold is my favorite. Which one is your favorite?

Something about Family

It occured to me recently that although this site is primarily about me, my family is a large part of my life and I would like to put more about them here.




This is a picture of Emmaly playing in a box. She loves to climb in and out of boxes, close herself in and shout "Where's Emmy?! Where did Emmy go?!".





This is a picture of Grandpa Wood playing with Hannah in the backyard of their home here in Port Angeles. "Dapa" as Emmaly calls him, loves our girls a ton, and we all see a side of him we didn't know was there when he plays with Emmaly and Hannah.

Breaking Out Of the Shell

Everyone has at least one. Even if you don't think you do, I bet if you dig deep enough you'll find yours. Barriers, limits on life, a comfort zone, a shell. Whatever you call it, I've found another one in my life, and I'm trying to break out of it.
I have started taking belly dancing classes. That's right. Belly dancing! And I am having the time of my life! The other ladies that come regularly are strong, encouraging, and fun to be around which has made it easier for me to forget about my body image issues--at least for a short while.
For those of you who think that belly dancing is just about shaking your body around to make the coins ring, you're seriously mistaken. Real belly dancing is a SERIOUS workout! It's all about controlling the muscles in your abdomen, back, legs, buttocks, chest, arms...well, pretty much every muscle! In order to produce the sinuous, fluid movements of the dance, you have to know exactly what each muscle is doing and be able to tell it where to go and what to do without thinking about it. That's what gives the illusion that it is easy.
I figure I might be performance worthy in a few years, but in the mean-time it is a great way to get moving, get out of the house, get away from the kids, and break out of that shell!
The instructor has already asked me to help her make video segments on how to do the basic individual dance moves, and create a blog for our little group.
Anyone in the Port Angeles/Sequim area: Hapy's Oasis meets Tuesdays at 7PM at the Sequim Senior Center. Classes are $4 each or $15/month. Bring your water bottle and come join us!

Our new home

We finally did it! It's been a long search, and some battle with banks, but we have bought a house! Now, we are finally moved in and mostly settled...well, settled enough to have the computer up and running... At any rate, I'm running out of things to say, and my one-year-old is calling me from the other room, so I must sign off.

Good News for Emmaly!

Our oldest daughter, Emmaly (2 1/2 years), has a congenital limb deficiency. Basically, she was born with a short, malformed femur. We have been taking her to Seattle Children's Hospital to see the Orthopedic specialists there since we moved to Washington. After the first couple appointments, we were disheartened by the prospect of our little princess needing to have surgeries around 5-6 years old. The x-rays indicated that she may need one surgery to correct a shallow hip socket, one to correct the angle of her femural head, and then 1 or more surgeries to lengthen her femur.
Last week, we went again to Children's for more x-rays and consultations. Good news! Emmaly's hip socket appears to be deepening on its own, and the doctor said he thinks it won't be necessary to do that surgery. Also, he said that the angle of her femural head was looking better, so that surgery may not be necessary either! She will still need a minor surgery to correct her "knock knee" which just means her leg is rotated outward a bit. Her current length difference between her two legs is about 1 1/2 inches, and estimated final difference is about 4 inches. So, we shouldn't need to do any surgeries until she's 8 or 9! Hooray!!!
Thanks to everyone for the prayers. They are working!

Close to Crazy?

If Saturday is the closest to crazy I get, I think I'll be ok.
After my last post, Emmaly would still not nap. In fact, I had to rescue her. She opened the bottom drawer of the dresser in her closet (which has nothing in it because she just pulls it all out anyway), climbed up on top of the dresser and, of course, got stuck up there. Then everything was "NO!". She didn't want juice, cheese, yogurt, pretzels or even her favorite, chocolate. "NO! NO! NO!". We finally settled on coloring, so I plunked her in the high-chair with her crayons and book, and went to my room to cry.
Shortly thereafter, my sister sent me a text message from Salt Lake saying something like: "We found the cutest park just down the street. Wish you were here so we could take the girls there!". I cried even harder for a while, and then started texting with my sister who was sharing them with my parents. Pop (my dad), who is an excellent cook, helpfully offered that I could come for dinner, they were having beautifully marbled rib-eye steaks! So I replied something like: "Ya, I'll be right over...". Then I got to thinking, "Why not!". Obviously I wouldn't make it for dinner that night, but maybe the next...?
I hopped on the internet and started googling for plane tickets. Over $600 for one way tickets for Emmy and I the next day! And, I'd have to either pay another $160 to fly from Port Angeles to Seattle, or I'd have to drive and pay for the parking at the airport. Well, that wasn't going to work.
How much would gas cost? I crunched the numbers...if the van gets 17 miles to the gallon, it would take about about 60 gallons to drive the approximately 1,000 miles between here and there. At $3 per gallon, that's $180... Hmm... This was sounding "doable"!
Now, I've done some long distance driving in my life without much of a problem. By myself. According to Google Maps, it will take about 17 hours to drive the 1,000 miles. So, I'd definitely be staying in a hotel one night at least because while I might be able to handle 17 hours of driving with a couple cat naps and leg stretches, I know that won't cut it for a 2.5 year-old and a 9.5 month-old! The prospect of staying in a hotel room with both my girls overnight with no help is not a very pleasant one, but the end result would be seeing my MAMMA! And that's a very powerful motivator at this point.
By then, it was after 2PM. But, that motivation to see mamma is so powerful that I decide there's no time like the present, and get packing! Through all this, I've been repeatedly calling my husband's cell phone because he's sailing somewhere between here and Canada, but not answering. I really wanted to talk to him. I wanted him to know that I wasn't leaving him, I just needed to go see my family and get away from the daily grind of caring for two babies under the age of 3. And I think part of me wanted someone to talk some sense into me at this point. I got everything packed up into the van, strapped the girls in, and headed for the Marina. I scanned the horizon, looking for sails. No luck. Well, he'll just have to settle for a voicemail. One message later, I'm headed out of town.
By 6PM I was half-way to Sequim which is about 20 minutes away. Chris finally calls. A minute and some sense later, I turned around and headed home. After some careful consideration and much discussion, my genius of a husband comes up with a brilliant plan.
My parents will fly up here April 12th and stay for a few weeks, and then they can drive back with the girls and I in time for Grandma's 80th birthday. That will give us the opportunity to take Emmaly to her doctor appointment in Seattle that we've been rescheduling for the last 6 months (yes, I meant REscheduling). Also, we've been in the process of trying to buy a house that we really want, and it is supposed to be back on the open market this week. It would be really hard to be part of the home-buying process from 1,000 miles away!
As I said, if Saturday is the closest to crazy that I get, I think I'll be ok.

So...

So...
I planned a fun birthday party for a friend who grew up as a Jehovah's Witness and consequently never had her birthday celebrated. I've been working on it for weeks, and the evening before the party she calls and says that all her friends and family are going to be out of town or are sick, etcetera, and won't be able to come, so can we have it next weekend?
So...
What do I do? I say, "Of course. No problem!" Which, of course, plans wise, it isn't really--I had nothing else planned for next Saturday. However, I have a small fortune in strawberries which won't last till next week, and I borrowed a chocolate fountain but it won't be available next weekend. The sourdough bread might last if I freeze it, but it won't be as good. The cheese for the 3 cheese soup is still in original wrapping, so it will be fine, it's just a good thing I didn't make it and the cupcakes the afternoon before like I was originally planning to do.
My Father suggested that I tell her: "Too bad, you're inconsiderate, so you don't get a party." My reply was: "Great, Pop, then my callous comment becomes the catalyst for her commiting suicide." Which is great alliteration, but a terrible possibility.
My immediate problem was what to do with my day. Since my husband is out sailing his first race since last summer, I am once again all alone with the girls all day. No plans, no real errands, lots of stuff to do, but no help to do it or watch the girls while I do something outside the ordinary.
So...
What do I do? I create an errand. Hannah needs more food, I'll go to the store. Of course at the grocery store, there are cookies, and soda, and a lot of other stuff I don't need. What do I do? Buy it. Of course. And, of course, I'm still not satisfied.
So...
What do I do? I create another errand. Chris (my husband) mentioned that Swain's had garden edging on sale, which is something I've been wanting for the garden, and that translates in my brain to "You have permission to buy it." Off to Swains to buy garden edging, but read the instructions, and they tell you to stake it down every so often. Edging, stakes, and a pink harmonica later (don't ask), and I'm still not satisfied.
So...
What do I do? I create yet another errand. I've recently come to the bitter realization that I have expanded beyond my pre-pregnancy size and I need to stop pouring myself into my size 22's and go up a notch. A couple weeks ago, I found at Goodwill some nice pants, but no jeans for daily wear. I told Chris I would probably have to go to a specialty store and spend $30 on a good pair of nice fitting jeans, and he made some typically male non-commital grunt, and that translates to "You have permission to buy them." But we're hungry by now and have to stop and Wendy's for "lunch". Then Off to Fashion Bug which has a large selection of plus-size clothes that are actually not hideous. They are having a sale (of course, when are they NOT having a sale?), buy one, get one for $10. So, I find a pair of good jeans that fit nice, and 3 cute shirts...$80 later...I'm still not satisfied, but the girls are tired (lucky for our budget).
So...
Finally I head for home. I'm not satisfied, I don't know what to do with the rest of my day, I'm facing the prospect that even though Emmy is VERY tired she probably won't nap, I have a headache, I'm hungry again, I have no idea what time Chris will be home, I want to scream but it will make my headache worse, I want to cry, but it will make my headache worse.
So...
I get Emmy a snack and start Pocahontas (her current fave), and nurse Hannah to sleep. Then I sit down to a great snack of 3 cookies and a glass of milk (no wonder I'm a size 24), and I blog.
So...
Now what?

From Aunt Ruthann

My Aunt Ruthann has always been a ray of sunshine in my life, and was my support after a very difficult incident with my Grandma when I was a teen. She made me a little sign on a paper plate that said "Don't worry, be Happy!"...and I will always remember that "small" thing.
This is her reply to my email advertising this blog. As always, she has excellent insights.

Dear Sweet Rachael,
WELCOME TO MY WORLD.....My name is Ruthann Depression. Yup, that's me.
My depression began at an early age and continues on and on. It is mainly caused by a mis-connect in my little brain. Sooo, after 3 mental break-ups, (notice break up instead of breakdown, up is more positive. and lots of medications to help?.?.?. I have in the last 12 years discovered that Cod Liver Oil, helps the best. Heard it on a health program and decided to try it. At the time I was on Zoloft, 200mg. and was still in the dumps of life. So I decided to give it a try and I am still taking it everyday, and if I decide to try life without, I can go about a week and then the tears start to flow, soooo. Don't know why it works but it does and well worth it. Just a thought.... Besides depression, I have ADD, and so do all my kids and their kids, and it is jolly good fun, haha, just something we have to learn to live with. Humans all have something in their childhood they wish were different, and we all have to get past that in order to go on with a good happy life. Cannot dwell in something you cannot change and most likely wasn't even your fault. (parents) are usually the culprits and we just have to love them anyway, for they gave us the best gift ever, life.Now the rest is up to us, to be happy or unhappy and find a place to put blame. I have lots of places, but nothing I can do now to change it. Besides all that, I have an inferiority complex as big as the moon and am afraid of people. I am getting better with that, the last few years. Now I am old enough to blame everything on senility....haha jolly good fun that can be, but you are not there yet... A great book to read is YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE, by Louise L. Hay. Has great insights that can help. And you are right, in sharing with others it is helpful to you. I have friends come to me with all their problems in life, cause they think I am ok in mine, boy are they wrong. But I am here for them and can listen and I have much life behind me to perhaps give a help....I learned from Grandma Clawson, to make FUN out of everything you do, and sing while you are doing, especially when you are not happy with doing it. So I do and those around me think I am very happy because I am always singing...Well, sometimes I am just that. My mother told me "you make your own happiness" no one else can do it for you. FINE!!!!! So be happy in your life, and remember you have 2 precious little ones to share your happiness with and that will in turn make them happy babies and they will grow up in that happy frame if they have it now. Life isn't always fair, or easy, but if it was where would all the FUN be, in making it so. You are a very talented and beautiful lady, and you have much to give to your little ones. Enjoy the journey and keep a journal as to all the fun "little" things that happen each day. It is great to have when you get to my age and have fun exciting memories to keep you going.... Keep sharing with me and remember I am always here for you. And remember laughter is the greatest medicine in the world. I laugh at just about everything most of the time....
Love Aunt Ruthann (depression)

Sharing

I originally started this blog with the idea to not share it with friends and family. This was mostly due to my embarrassment about having depression and seeing a counselor. After several months and quite a bit of reflection, I have decided to change this.
I think it's important for people to learn more about depression so that the stigmas surrounding it can be lifted. Like with any illness, awareness is the best way to overcome the fear of the illness.
So, to my friends and family, I bid you welcome! I hope to create awareness for the mental illness "Depression". Yes, I have depression. No, I am not "crazy" (though I feel that way sometimes). Please feel free to ask questions, make comments, and share feelings and personal experiences.
Thank you!

No Apologies

I'm reading Julia Child's "My Life in France". In her book, she tells a story about making a dish using the wrong ingredients, but she serving it to her guests even though she describes it as "vile" and "horrid". What's amazing about this situation is she never apologizes. Here is her explaination:

I don't believe in twisting yourself into knots of excuses and explanations over the food you make. When one's hostess starts in with self-deprecations such as "Oh, I don't know how to cook...," or "Poor little me...," or "This may taste awful...," it is so dreadful to have to reassure her that everything is delicious and fine, whether it is or not. Besides, such admissions only draw attention to one's shortcomings (or self-perceived shortcomings), and make the other person think, "Yes, you're right, this really is an awful meal!" Maybe the cat has fallen into the stew, or the lettuce has frozen, or the cake has collapsed--eh bien, tant pis[oh well, it could be worse]!
Usually one's cooking is better than one thinks it is. And if the food is truly vile...then the cook must simply grit her teeth and bear it with a smile--and learn from her mistakes.

This is me, with a smile, not apologizing for long gaps between posts.

I believe in Karma!

Just after the beginning of this year, my purse was stolen. It has never happened to me before, and I had never before understood how deeply personal such a theft is.
I feel violated that someone would take such a personal item. Now, if the money and bank information had been stolen, and my purse left behind, I would have been angry. However, the feelings I have about the reality of this event are more than angry. Of what worth to a thief are my worn denim clutch, used chap-stick, grocery club cards, business cards, pictures of my babies and other personal items?
With all these feelings bubbling around inside me, my one comfort is that I believe in Karma. The kinder gentler side of me argues that perhaps the offender needed money for food, shelter and basic human needs and comforts. The "other" part of me rages and wishes a pox of misfortune upon them. And, somewhere in between, Karma whispers: "All is well. I'll take care of it."
And so, I will take a deep breath, and let her.

Happy New Year

Welcome to 2010, a new year, and a new decade!
May this one be better, brighter, and more prosperous than the last.
And may our lives be filled with love, laughter, and peace!