Definition of a Myth

According to the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary (www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/Myth):

2 a : a popular belief or tradition that has grown up around something or someone; especially : one embodying the ideals and institutions of a society or segment of society b : an unfounded or false notion.

What or who is it in our society, or indeed our world, that has decided and continues to decide what constitutes the moral alignment of any given individual, and more specifically mothers? Who decides who is "bad" and who is "good"? The rational part of my mind (and the least exercised part of late) understands that I alone am responsible for my own choices. The irrational part seeks someone to blame for what I have come to think of as shortcomings, mistakes, or sins. And so it begs the question: Who is responsible for deciding what those shortcomings, mistakes or sins are?
Please don't mistake me. I believe that ideals, institutions and moral standards are of infinite value when they are applied honestly and without prejudice. But who in this world is always honest, and completely without prejudice? Therefore, it stands to reason that we are each ultimately only responsible for who and what we become, not for who and what others become. The difficult part in all of this is dealing with the choices of others, and most particularly the decisions of those we love and who love us.
Rather than assigning blame, perhaps my time would be better spent in pursuit of the answer to the questions: 1. How do I overcome the "unfounded or false notion(s)" that have been applied to motherhood? and 2. How do I avoid feelings of guilt for the choices of those I love, particularly my children?

The Perfect Mother

I just googled "Jane Swigart" and discovered that her book has also been published under the title of "The Myth of the Perfect Mother". I think this is interesting. Perhaps she should have put them both together and titled it "The Myths of the Perfect and the Bad Mother". Either way, the subtitle is great: "Parenting Without Guilt".
The back of the book I have borrowed says the following:

"Good mothers" are loving, nurturing and all-giving. "Bad mothers" are self-absorbed, uncaring, and inadequate. To this popular image mothers everywhere respond with determination to be "the good mother". Yet despite their best efforts, many women secretly fear they are failing, and ask themselves:
-Why am I often angry, resentful, and bored by the demands of childcare?
-Why do I feel overworked, with no sense of accomplishment?
-Do my negative feelings brand me a "bad mother"?
Now Jane Swigart explodes the "good mother/bad mother" myth. Drawing on her experiences as a therapist and as a mother, along with interviews with hundreds of parents and health-care professionals, Dr. Swigart explores the emotional realities of motherhood and the effects of a culture that simultaneously idealizes and devalues the mother's role.

In this blog, I will be exploring my own experiences and emotions as a mother using Dr. Swigart's book as a reference. Hopefully by doing this, I will also "explode" the myth of the bad or perfect mother.

Beginnings

After years of resisting the temptation to blog, I have given in. I always decided I didn't have enough time. First because of my demanding job, then because I thought it a waste of time while trying to start my family, and lately because I have a two-year-old and a six-month-old that keep me quite busy.
It has only been a few weeks since I started seriously considering starting a blog. Because a few weeks ago, I started seeing a therapist. Something I thought I would NEVER do. However, after looking at my life as objectively as possible and deciding that although I have done many things, motherhood is the one thing that I have the least true experience and training for, and though there is a lot of advice out there on parenting, I can't just google "mom" and learn how to be a "good" one.
After my second daughter was born, I joined a State-run support group for mothers with post partum depression. The group was lead by the lady who is now my therapist, Marian. Having had less than the best experiences with doctors of any kind in my life, I was wary of seeing her, but after getting to know her a little I decided to take the chance, and so far, I have not been dissapointed.
Watching the movie "Julie & Julia" gave me the idea for the composition of my blog, and reading a book borrowed from Marian, "The Myth of the Bad Mother" by Jane Swigart, gave me the idea for the content.
Following the idea from the movie, I'm not intending to advertise my blog to friends or family, nor am I expecting an overwhelming response. However, I look at it as good therapy for myself, and maybe, just maybe, other mothers out there may take comfort and/or come to a greater understanding and appreciation for themselves and their role as a mother.
Hopefully we will all see that though there are exceptions to every rule, in general, there is no such thing as a "bad" mother.